ABUSIVE PARTNERS IS NOT AN OPTION

I jumped off my bed scared to my bone marrows, thinking that someone had passed on in my hostel. Then I sat down and listened carefully….. I really just had to sigh you know, because it wasn’t worth it, the screams and cries with heavy thuds I heard was coming from the room just opposite mine. Alas Jeremy and Rita were at it again. That wasn’t the first time it happened but maybe I was startled because the screams from Rita was somewhat different that day. Why on earth would a male university undergraduate turn his girlfriend who is also an undergraduate to a punching bag???

Abuse in relationships and even in marriage is no longer something new in our society today and has to be addressed the way it should be. These days young people rush into relationships without knowing if they are ready or not to carry on in it. Every young boy and girl just want to date probably because others are dating or because they just want to have fun and all other irrelevant reasons. Nobody stops to think; is this boy/girl my type of person? Do I love this person enough to ignore some certain mistakes of him/her? [and that’s because yes of course, nobody is perfect], does he/she understand my kind of person and do I understand him/her? Can I really trust this person and can he/she trust me just as much too? These questions would to an extent help one to weigh the temperament of whoever he/she wants to have a relationship with and know who’s got the tendency to be abusive and who’s not. But we don’t ask these questions at all and just rush into the whole thing to feel among those who are in a relationship.

That was the case of Jeremy and Rita in my hostel, even though they claimed to be love birds who were so much in love with each other, it didn’t change the fact that Jeremy was a beast on the inside and Rita turned out to be his regular victim. On this particular day I was woken up by the screams of Rita which was quite different from her screams in other occasions and when I went out to see for myself what prompted such a loud scream from her,  I was shocked to see a profusely bleeding Rita sprawled on the floor crying in pains while Jeremy just stood looking down at her with an expressionless face. Nobody seemed to ask what transpired between the two as it wasn’t the first time, we just took Rita to the hospital before she bled to death in the hands of her so called ‘’boyfriend’’. However, news later had it that Jeremy had seen a certain passionate text message on Rita’s cell phone sent from another boy which he had reacted very badly to.

There are so many occurrences like this and even worse in and out of  campus and worst of all is that most of the female victims of abusive relationships still carry on with the relationship on terms of ‘’been in love’’ love ko, love ni. The fact is and still remains that a boy who loves a girl as much as he claims will never think of laying as much as a finger on her even when she commits a grave offence. And come to think of it there is no constitution in the world and even the Holy Bible that approves of an abusive relationship. And please o, when the Bible talked about “a rod of correction” it wasn’t for your spouse huh?.......

 A woman is meant to be protected by her man and not been the reason she’s scared and insecure. Some male folks claim that when you hit your girlfriend or spouse as the case may be, It makes her respect you the more and give you more attention and some others say that most girls just need to be beaten up so as to correct or bring them to caution and am like, ‘’oh really? So who propounded such ancient and ridiculous theory? It’s insane and a big lie from the pit of hell you know. Abusing your partner does just the opposite of what the abusers think. First of all, it pushes the person away from you as there’s definitely going to be this unspoken bridge/gap in communication between the couples, the abused partner becomes scared of the other and the abuser on the other hand sees this as ‘’respect’’ but it is fear and this will cause the abused to be distant from the abuser in some way he/she may not figure out immediately. Then sooner or later he/she remains in the relationship out of fear instead of love. Psychologically, the abused partner gradually becomes mentally unstable and even loses his/her self-esteem.

Hitting your spouse is a sign of weakness and inability of the abuser to handle a relationship. C’mon there are so many preferable ways to resolve issues with one’s spouse and even better and sane ways to punish and call one’s spouse to order without hitting him/her[we sure do have female abusers too, even though it’s on rare occasions]. I urge all the young people in an abusive relationship to quit if their partner is not keen on repenting from this evil deed. THE STRONGEST MAN IS THAT ONE THAT FEELS EMOTIONS OF ANGER, HATRED, LOVE ETC AND STILL BE IN CONTROL OF HIS ACTIONS NOT BEEN A SUBJECT TO HIS EMOTIONS. Let it be known and noted that abusive relationships is certainly not advisable.

BY EZEONYEASI JENNIFER CHIAMAKA

Tags: relationship, love, abuse………..